Hmph!

A troubled mind. Waves of nervousness. Anxiety that grips. Alive with questions. Huge gaping holes. oodles of self doubt. smiles that are incomplete. Days that swing by- meaningless.Purpose of life - the very theme.

Brilliantly laid out plans, a smashboard that rocks it all, a tunnel that seems to choke, extends up to infinity.

When the meaning of infinity slaps you. When the person that u are is at conflicts. When all those doubts eat u up from within.

Lingering moments of nerve wrenching pain. The hurt. The mockery. The very idea.
Hmph!

And thats what you thought..

Its an exhausting experience to catch a cold - it is! So you r walking along in this chirpy "life's for me" mood.. smiling at the people around you.. wondering why you arent this way always.. think evreyone loves you.. think you luv everyone.. theres this really soft mellow tune playing itself in your head.. and suddenly somewhere down the road, you find your throat becoming dry and raspy.. and the music in your head becomes grainy and scratchy.. you think your throats giving up on you.. ur imagining a clumsy hand on the insides of your throat banging on the walls of your skin for your attention.. but noooo!! youv got this weird obsession with not falling sick and pretending to be healthy and efficient and not at all dramatic and what not.. so you stil continue the walk, but a small frown clouds your forehead and the tune gets scratchier..

And then the day floats by, with small voices within you whispering about the major cold outbreak that they foresee.. you shush them up rudely and refuse to smile at anyone else.. you decide to eat some icecream out of contempt for the earlier conversation with the voices..

The icecream tastes so soothing.. Its like your telling those voices "ha! so there you go!" and the pesky fat hand in your throat seems to stop its banging.. the icecream melts in your mouth.. you feel it making its way down your throat.. this- you think to urself, this is what life is about- these small moments when you spoil yourself.. you watch the rupee notes trade hands and think to yourself about money being well spent.. if ever investements played any role in your nineteen year old life, this moment was worth the twentyfive bucks!!And then you turn to everything else.. feel yourself getting back the old tune again..Only this time, theres a slightly heavier head to support on your neck..Its like someone watered the insides of your brain.. Yoour thoughts linger on watering the brain..You return a few moments later to your head thats heavier now, than when you started thinking about it.. funny, you say to yourself, what if the head becomes heavier after thinking heavy thoughts! This thought is rudely interrupted by a physical awakening within you-- tumbling out of you with the fury of the avenged-- * hachooo! * *Mua ha ha ha* it seems to say.. sigh! ..With slouched shoulders and a shake of the head, you have no choice but to accept defeat!

P.S: is there a better "noise word" to sound out a sneeze?? All twisted-coined up words are welcome! :)

Man- my hero

There is a certain finality about death.. Some thing that humbles you, makes you wonder who you were fooling all along..All this while, you thought man was the ultimate being, blessed with reason, reason gave you security, comfort, something to fall back on, Reason was god, possessing it - he could reach unthinkable heights. The world was his to conquer and enrich, land -his to mould, air- his to breathe & preserve, water- his to use & purify, brilliance- his to achieve.. too bad he was the only one who could understand the magnitude of it all!! You thought he was out there armed with a brain like none other, that could perform magic beyond the scope of this mundane world..
Glory be to man!

And then, it rings in your ear, the death bell.. the head bows, pride and reason are far away, science and logic are mere wisps of a fantasy long gone, no equations can bring to light the reasoning behind the final act.. When the body is humiliated,mocked at, the proud body-- once controlling the planet, learning about the universe, pushing horizons, paralleled to god, suddenly is just a machine that stopped working- a mere solid- stripped of its soul, naked without emotions, the ability to feel,think,reason...

You laugh at the ridiculousness of it all! And there you were, thinking all those glorious things, tomorrow, there you will be, lying on your back, incapable of anything you boasted of, even the trivial things you took for granted.. A frustration descends on you, your incapability to take things blindly questions from within, the need to reason it out tortures, the answer scares you, you d rather ignore it than go further, you rubbish it and walk tall again..
Dig deep down-- inside it all, you know though, you ARE reduced to a mere player in the big game..or.. not...?