There is a certain finality about death.. Some thing that humbles you, makes you wonder who you were fooling all along..All this while, you thought man was the ultimate being, blessed with reason, reason gave you security, comfort, something to fall back on, Reason was god, possessing it - he could reach unthinkable heights. The world was his to conquer and enrich, land -his to mould, air- his to breathe & preserve, water- his to use & purify, brilliance- his to achieve.. too bad he was the only one who could understand the magnitude of it all!! You thought he was out there armed with a brain like none other, that could perform magic beyond the scope of this mundane world..
Glory be to man!
And then, it rings in your ear, the death bell.. the head bows, pride and reason are far away, science and logic are mere wisps of a fantasy long gone, no equations can bring to light the reasoning behind the final act.. When the body is humiliated,mocked at, the proud body-- once controlling the planet, learning about the universe, pushing horizons, paralleled to god, suddenly is just a machine that stopped working- a mere solid- stripped of its soul, naked without emotions, the ability to feel,think,reason...
You laugh at the ridiculousness of it all! And there you were, thinking all those glorious things, tomorrow, there you will be, lying on your back, incapable of anything you boasted of, even the trivial things you took for granted.. A frustration descends on you, your incapability to take things blindly questions from within, the need to reason it out tortures, the answer scares you, you d rather ignore it than go further, you rubbish it and walk tall again..
Dig deep down-- inside it all, you know though, you ARE reduced to a mere player in the big game..or.. not...?
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
A journey to remember
So last night, I was going to get back home from cbe to chennai, and i was super psyched about the entire "getting back home after so long " thingy, I jus packed up all my clothes, dished in my pen drive, snatched away my laptop and strode out of LH (which by the way stands for the ladies hostel, PSG tech for those ignorant few!) feeling completely exhilarated! Chennai here i come!
And there it began, adding to my sad tryst with weird train journeys! First, Enter Mr.PSGTECH watchman with his mad whistle that hes absolutely in luv with! He hauls me over to one side of the street, demands to know who i am, where my ID card is and what the hell was i doing out on the streets at 8 ? Muttering to myself about my incapability to carry the blessed card with me wherever i go, I helplessly stood there gaping at him till good sense prevailed and i explained to him that i had a train to catch at 8 45! Still glaring at me with eyes that contained stern disaproval he waved me away with one swish of his hand.. At that exact moment, the rain gods decide to shower the earth with their exceeding generosity and i was the unlikely victim- me and my laptop that was disguised as a bagful of dirty clothes. (For fear of night time laptop theives! - to quote my mom) Smarting at the unfairness of it all, I jumped into the first auto i could hop on to and muttered "railway station"..
And that was where i got off-- the crowd, its vague insecurities, a general ambience of discomfort, and me- right at the heart of it all..Sitting in the middle of this diverse group of people, all alone with a cell phone that inevitably runs out of charge the moment u need it the most, I had no option but to look around me for amusement.Now i cant help it if i talk of people as if they were laid out for my wanting to objectify them, but it amuses me all the same- jus as long as they are perfect strangers!
Ill start with this man behind me with a voice that can only resemble the voice that I imagine belongs to Santa. His goal for the evening seemed to be to make sure that all those who were waiting for the Blue Mountain Express that night, should be educated about all issues covered in the morning's paper! Noble though his cause, I can only describe the looks that my fellow passengers doled out to him! Oblivious to it all, he went on and on, gaining encouragement from his resounding voice and the cold, tense,hostile glares from all around.. At one point people jus started to tune out his voice and went back to their usual routine of counting the different luggages and keeping children,if any, within a radius of 1 metre.
Then there were those who hav the "I -hav- to- be- somewhere- sometime- look" on their faces,with eyebrows knit up real close and a huge watch on their hand that they keep checking every 17 seconds, who run across the station, bumping into ,usually, ladies with huge baskets filled with goodies who in turn curse these speed maniacs , adding to the color of the situation. And then all these old, wise people start tsk tsking, "ah! todays youngsters hav no time for the bla bla no manners bla".. That goes on for a while, after which suddenly, a light glows in some corner of the station, and a noise that starts as a whisper evolves into a loud commotion "Ah ! the trains comming!" Necks crane all over, as people get on their tip toes pushing down the luggage that was till then faithfully kept track of.. Slowly the light comes closer, and people watch it with a serene glow spreading over their faces.Oh! to catch sight of that train! No god would hav had it so good in any temple by even the most religious disciples.. Finally, enter trian NO. 2672 with its loud, tired, chugging. A mad dynamic fervour grips the crowd as it breaks free from the monotony that comes with waiting for a train. People dash back and forth, manners disappear and within a gap of ten minutes half the platform has found its way inside the train, choking up the passage ways as chaos reigns! The other half dutifully queue up outside the windows- all yelling out the same content in a variety of languages which i personally found mind blowing, but the gist of which was- "please take tablets" to the man on the left who looked like he was about to faint from joy/fatigue from having secured his correct seat on the train, "please call after you reach" to two aunties who were having heart attacks on discovering that they both had upper berths to sleep on,"please take good care of the child" to a couple who were visibly having trouble keeping in place their super hyper son of two years- and so on and so forth.
With all that done, I shove my luggage under my seat, with the disguised laptop sitting tight next to me( "U dare not let it out of your sight"--to quote my mom) and for the fifteenth time that day, groan that all i hav is an RAC (which means, again for those ignorant few, that i don hav a berth and hav to travel the entire night sitting, thanks to my travel agents last minute references)! Missing the constant nagging of my cell phone and thouroughly wishing I had something to do, I surveyed the surroundings.. I did the "glad to meet you-all you nice ppl " smile, as did they.. Only they had an added "why-are-you-travelling-all-alone-and-why-did-nobody-yell-to-u-from-the-window" eyebrow raise.
And then there was the awkward silence, which din last too long thanks to the feisty 2 year old co passenger of mine who suddenly thought to himself, this girl comes with an entire world of objects that I can explore, and fixed himself onto me. Taken in by surprise, but flattered by the attention, I fell for the trick and tried asking him,"Whats your name kiddo?" and all he came up with was "vaaave veavee".I took some time comprehending what Mr.2 year old jus said, but before i got there his mom intervened and said, hes trying to say sidhu! Ah-- almost decrypted that one! Assuming that the lil chap was still interseted in some bonding and not wanting to be the snobby loner I reached out to him and tried to make conversation..There i hit a snag! now, what does one converse with a two year old who pronounces sidhu as "vaave veavee"? I settled on something not too intellectual and ended up using an obscure form of sign language.I pointed out to those objects outside the train, which i thought might engage his attention.Apparently, he din think so. He went right for the laptop and started pounding on it as hard as he could. So much for the clever disguise! As the shock and mortification on my face showed itself out, the proud mother claimed ever so sweetly, "He s slighlty playful!",Ah yes mam i agree-- most fervently- i do! Not to be outdone by the child, i again tried the sign language -only, this time, i did whatever the kid did (You know ,except for the pounding on the laptop part) it seemed to engage him for a while, but then he decided he had had enough with stupid adults cooing nonsense in sugary sweet voices at him and shifted his attention towards ahem ..dirty clothes bag again.. I was ready this time, and brandished out my dupatta at him..Just as i was thinking that wearing the dupatta finally pays off, he came to the conclusion that I was the villain in his endeavor to reach out to the laptop and started pelting me with his tiny lil fists.
Now Im a strong girl, but this was a bolt from the blue, and the kiddo, cute though he was, had bony fists and i was about to voice my strong dissent to his mother when he took another route..He attacked my hair! Now that was jus crossing the limit, any one whos set eyes on me knows how much trouble I have keeping my hair in place and this fellow caught me in a weak moment! I was prepared for a physical fight, and was ready to put myself in mortal peril ( ok thats a lil too much) for the abuse bestowed on my hair when his mother took charge at last and reclaimed her bundle of joy.
Meanwhile, both aunties having decided to brace themselves in their journey towards the upperberth from the lower berth, sought out my support lest they fall and crash on me and my now-pretty much exposed and harassed laptop. After having settled both aunties, old man with the pills seemed a lil too inclined to sleep, so off went the lights and on came the snores! I donno from which direction those ghostly noises resonated but it outdid dolby digital surround sound, and sort of filled my brain with cotton..(?) This rhythmic torture was interrupted only by Mr 2 year olds pleas for silence.. Somehow amidst all this, i fell asleep blissfully unaware of the fact that a copassenger may enter the train at any point later..
Around 1 I think, theres this tall lanky fellow who yells "hsdgkjehgjhasgd hgdhgas sumthin sumthing RAC hein? " in hindi at me, and (bravo me!) I woke up from sleep, gave him this "dude- get- out- of- my- face" look and drifted away.. Again came the "sumthing sumthing sumthing hein " lingo that i cant follow for nuts, at which point my patience started thinning out and i said in clearly articulated english that i could not follow a word of what he was saying. Thats when he did the blinking followed by the "hein hun thing".. years of third-language hindi training from 4th standard came flooding back to me, in a life defining moment, when i realised i was sleeping with an RAC ticket on his part of the seat..Sheepishly grinning i got up and the man seemed relieved to find that i was not mad..Good for him, cus for my part i wasnt so sure about him..
And there it began, adding to my sad tryst with weird train journeys! First, Enter Mr.PSGTECH watchman with his mad whistle that hes absolutely in luv with! He hauls me over to one side of the street, demands to know who i am, where my ID card is and what the hell was i doing out on the streets at 8 ? Muttering to myself about my incapability to carry the blessed card with me wherever i go, I helplessly stood there gaping at him till good sense prevailed and i explained to him that i had a train to catch at 8 45! Still glaring at me with eyes that contained stern disaproval he waved me away with one swish of his hand.. At that exact moment, the rain gods decide to shower the earth with their exceeding generosity and i was the unlikely victim- me and my laptop that was disguised as a bagful of dirty clothes. (For fear of night time laptop theives! - to quote my mom) Smarting at the unfairness of it all, I jumped into the first auto i could hop on to and muttered "railway station"..
And that was where i got off-- the crowd, its vague insecurities, a general ambience of discomfort, and me- right at the heart of it all..Sitting in the middle of this diverse group of people, all alone with a cell phone that inevitably runs out of charge the moment u need it the most, I had no option but to look around me for amusement.Now i cant help it if i talk of people as if they were laid out for my wanting to objectify them, but it amuses me all the same- jus as long as they are perfect strangers!
Ill start with this man behind me with a voice that can only resemble the voice that I imagine belongs to Santa. His goal for the evening seemed to be to make sure that all those who were waiting for the Blue Mountain Express that night, should be educated about all issues covered in the morning's paper! Noble though his cause, I can only describe the looks that my fellow passengers doled out to him! Oblivious to it all, he went on and on, gaining encouragement from his resounding voice and the cold, tense,hostile glares from all around.. At one point people jus started to tune out his voice and went back to their usual routine of counting the different luggages and keeping children,if any, within a radius of 1 metre.
Then there were those who hav the "I -hav- to- be- somewhere- sometime- look" on their faces,with eyebrows knit up real close and a huge watch on their hand that they keep checking every 17 seconds, who run across the station, bumping into ,usually, ladies with huge baskets filled with goodies who in turn curse these speed maniacs , adding to the color of the situation. And then all these old, wise people start tsk tsking, "ah! todays youngsters hav no time for the bla bla no manners bla".. That goes on for a while, after which suddenly, a light glows in some corner of the station, and a noise that starts as a whisper evolves into a loud commotion "Ah ! the trains comming!" Necks crane all over, as people get on their tip toes pushing down the luggage that was till then faithfully kept track of.. Slowly the light comes closer, and people watch it with a serene glow spreading over their faces.Oh! to catch sight of that train! No god would hav had it so good in any temple by even the most religious disciples.. Finally, enter trian NO. 2672 with its loud, tired, chugging. A mad dynamic fervour grips the crowd as it breaks free from the monotony that comes with waiting for a train. People dash back and forth, manners disappear and within a gap of ten minutes half the platform has found its way inside the train, choking up the passage ways as chaos reigns! The other half dutifully queue up outside the windows- all yelling out the same content in a variety of languages which i personally found mind blowing, but the gist of which was- "please take tablets" to the man on the left who looked like he was about to faint from joy/fatigue from having secured his correct seat on the train, "please call after you reach" to two aunties who were having heart attacks on discovering that they both had upper berths to sleep on,"please take good care of the child" to a couple who were visibly having trouble keeping in place their super hyper son of two years- and so on and so forth.
With all that done, I shove my luggage under my seat, with the disguised laptop sitting tight next to me( "U dare not let it out of your sight"--to quote my mom) and for the fifteenth time that day, groan that all i hav is an RAC (which means, again for those ignorant few, that i don hav a berth and hav to travel the entire night sitting, thanks to my travel agents last minute references)! Missing the constant nagging of my cell phone and thouroughly wishing I had something to do, I surveyed the surroundings.. I did the "glad to meet you-all you nice ppl " smile, as did they.. Only they had an added "why-are-you-travelling-all-alone-and-why-did-nobody-yell-to-u-from-the-window" eyebrow raise.
And then there was the awkward silence, which din last too long thanks to the feisty 2 year old co passenger of mine who suddenly thought to himself, this girl comes with an entire world of objects that I can explore, and fixed himself onto me. Taken in by surprise, but flattered by the attention, I fell for the trick and tried asking him,"Whats your name kiddo?" and all he came up with was "vaaave veavee".I took some time comprehending what Mr.2 year old jus said, but before i got there his mom intervened and said, hes trying to say sidhu! Ah-- almost decrypted that one! Assuming that the lil chap was still interseted in some bonding and not wanting to be the snobby loner I reached out to him and tried to make conversation..There i hit a snag! now, what does one converse with a two year old who pronounces sidhu as "vaave veavee"? I settled on something not too intellectual and ended up using an obscure form of sign language.I pointed out to those objects outside the train, which i thought might engage his attention.Apparently, he din think so. He went right for the laptop and started pounding on it as hard as he could. So much for the clever disguise! As the shock and mortification on my face showed itself out, the proud mother claimed ever so sweetly, "He s slighlty playful!",Ah yes mam i agree-- most fervently- i do! Not to be outdone by the child, i again tried the sign language -only, this time, i did whatever the kid did (You know ,except for the pounding on the laptop part) it seemed to engage him for a while, but then he decided he had had enough with stupid adults cooing nonsense in sugary sweet voices at him and shifted his attention towards ahem ..dirty clothes bag again.. I was ready this time, and brandished out my dupatta at him..Just as i was thinking that wearing the dupatta finally pays off, he came to the conclusion that I was the villain in his endeavor to reach out to the laptop and started pelting me with his tiny lil fists.
Now Im a strong girl, but this was a bolt from the blue, and the kiddo, cute though he was, had bony fists and i was about to voice my strong dissent to his mother when he took another route..He attacked my hair! Now that was jus crossing the limit, any one whos set eyes on me knows how much trouble I have keeping my hair in place and this fellow caught me in a weak moment! I was prepared for a physical fight, and was ready to put myself in mortal peril ( ok thats a lil too much) for the abuse bestowed on my hair when his mother took charge at last and reclaimed her bundle of joy.
Meanwhile, both aunties having decided to brace themselves in their journey towards the upperberth from the lower berth, sought out my support lest they fall and crash on me and my now-pretty much exposed and harassed laptop. After having settled both aunties, old man with the pills seemed a lil too inclined to sleep, so off went the lights and on came the snores! I donno from which direction those ghostly noises resonated but it outdid dolby digital surround sound, and sort of filled my brain with cotton..(?) This rhythmic torture was interrupted only by Mr 2 year olds pleas for silence.. Somehow amidst all this, i fell asleep blissfully unaware of the fact that a copassenger may enter the train at any point later..
Around 1 I think, theres this tall lanky fellow who yells "hsdgkjehgjhasgd hgdhgas sumthin sumthing RAC hein? " in hindi at me, and (bravo me!) I woke up from sleep, gave him this "dude- get- out- of- my- face" look and drifted away.. Again came the "sumthing sumthing sumthing hein " lingo that i cant follow for nuts, at which point my patience started thinning out and i said in clearly articulated english that i could not follow a word of what he was saying. Thats when he did the blinking followed by the "hein hun thing".. years of third-language hindi training from 4th standard came flooding back to me, in a life defining moment, when i realised i was sleeping with an RAC ticket on his part of the seat..Sheepishly grinning i got up and the man seemed relieved to find that i was not mad..Good for him, cus for my part i wasnt so sure about him..
Sleep eluded me after that,what with "wierd-hein-hun guy" squatting across from me, it made it impossible for me to get back to sleep. So there i was till two in the morning staring out at absolute darkness wondering what on hell could have made me take this trip.After two it was almost the same, except that the rain gods had some more tricks up their sleeve( Note to self: Check if rain gods wear clothes with sleeves), and the rain came pelting down into my seat, despite the fact that the window was shut, and i remember vaguely trying to figure out how that was possible, and amidst the rain, the wierd guy and the snores I remember promising myself a warm bed to sleep on the next day, and with that in mind and a posture that was a cross between 2 yoga postures I imagine I drifted off for exactly twenty minutes until old man with pills decided to use the loo and woke me up roughly to let me know that i was to take care of his pills box(and whatever else was in there)..
If I was sane enough to hav cried, I would have cried my eyes out.. but I was beyond all that and all I could do was nod meekly and hope the nightmare would end soon.. End it did -- at 4 55 when lights went back on and the snores went off, when wierd guy,pills man,couple wit kid, aunty's from the upper birth all got off the train..I was the last to get off-- setting foot on Chennai Central finally! Home at last!
P.s: was that too long? I tend to go on a lot!
Long time overdue!
Between us, this blog has been long time over due..There s always been this nagging lil voice in my head that kept going "BLOG! BLOG!" and call it lazyness if you want( i jus think thats using too crude a term for the art of practicing leisure,whilst appreciating it blissfully), somehow for some reason I jus kept putting it off.. But now here it is-- My musings!!
Oh and people, (who ever it is whos kind enough to keep reading) do leave behind your comments and what ever else it is that u want to..I hav no experience what so ever in this area, so please bare with me! And for all you ppl who keep writing so much to shame me into creating my own blog-- keep going!And for every one else(me inclusive) - lets jus hope this whole idea doesn die a premature death!
Oh and people, (who ever it is whos kind enough to keep reading) do leave behind your comments and what ever else it is that u want to..I hav no experience what so ever in this area, so please bare with me! And for all you ppl who keep writing so much to shame me into creating my own blog-- keep going!And for every one else(me inclusive) - lets jus hope this whole idea doesn die a premature death!
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